Naruto in Real Life
by NinjalyJen
Summary: In this story, I will basically make fun of random things in Naruto that cannot happen in real life. Like Choji's chips being perfectly round all of the time. And the fact that after every ninja battle, forests are destroyed. And about Kakashi's hair - what's up with that? (Hehe, I made a pun.) All will be told in... Naruto in Real Life!
1. Choji

_Munch, munch, munch._

"These are really good chips, Shikamaru." Choji smiled as he popped another barbeque-flavoured chip into his mouth. "Thanks for bringing them over."

The infamously lazy ninja gave a wave of his hand from where he sat, staring at the clouds. "It was out of my way, but I figured you'd like them."

Choji nodded enthusiastically. "You bet! Ah," He beamed down at the nearly-eaten bag of chips he held in his hands. "It's time for the last chip."

The eager boy slowly reached down into the chip bag, savouring his favourite part of snack time. Well, at least, he tried to savour it.

"Hey," Choji frowned. "There are only crumbs left in here." Just to be sure, dumped the chip bag over and shook it.

"Nope," The boy was horrified. How could there not be a perfectly whole chip at the bottom of the bag? It... it was disastrous!

It was also a taste of real life.

* * *

_Author's Note: If the bottom of the bag of chips had perfectly round chips all the time, this world would be a better place._


	2. Kakashi

Sweat. That was the only thing Hatake Kakashi could feel other than his tired, ripped-up muscles. In all reality, the man just wanted to go home and take a hot shower. He had just taken on three of the country's top ninja assassins - and defeated them - and now, he was exhausted.

"Hatake Kakashi,"

Kakashi took in a ragged breath before turning around. A brief feeling of puzzlement overtook him as he looked at the two people in front of him.

"Are you the ninja the feudal lords sent to retrieve the assassins?" Kakashi asked.

Kakashi would have thought that the feudal lords would have sent an ANBU squad to retrieve such dangerous rogues. But the two people standing in front of him weren't with ANBU - at a closer glance, Kakashi wasn't even sure that the two were ninja at all. They were wearing black pants, jackets, coats, and shades. The man's hair was slicked back, and the woman's was in a tight ponytail.

No, Kakashi decided, these people were definitely not with ANBU. They were from that _other _division.

"Kakashi-san, do you realize that you have broken an entire myriad of environmental laws?" The woman asked, a stone-like look on her face.

"I'm very sorry, ma'am, but it needed to be done. You see, those three assassins being guarded by my team over there put up a bit of a fight."

"Excuses don't work with us." The man gestured to the surroundings. "Look at this place, Kakashi-san. There used to be _trees _here. Real, living, protected trees,"

The environmental guy was right. Everywhere Kakashi looked, there were trees... trees in ruins, chopped up trees, burnt trees, and trees on the ground.

Kakashi decided to give it another try. "I'm sorry, sir, I-"

"Enough." The man frowned. "We're going to have to fine you for this."

Oh shoot. With the amount of trees the fight knocked down, this was going to be a hefty fine. Didn't the environmental people realize that the trees went down for a good cause? Three dangerous killers had been captured. The Fire Country was now going to be a better place!

...but this was the real world, and the real world was full of tree-huggers.

* * *

_Author's Note: Nothing against tree-huggers. I just got this idea and thought it was funny._


	3. Sai

It was a bright and sunny day in the village of Konoha. Sixteen-year-old Uzumaki Naruto was just walking back from a satisfying trip to the ramen shop.

"Ah..." The blonde boy sighed contentedly and rubbed his happy tummy. "That was freaking amazing. I could have eaten even more, but my wallet was getting just a little too thin." Naruto thought of his frog-shaped walled. "Yeah," he decided with a nod. "He looks cuter when he's fat."

"Naruto,"

The boy stopped in his tracks. "Oh, Sai," He looked over at the smiling, black-haired ninja. Suddenly, Naruto frowned. "There's something different about you. What is it?"

"Oh, this?" Sai let out an awkward, I'm-trying-too-hard-to-laugh chuckle and pointed to his face. "I got a su-"

Naruto snapped his fingers, cutting Sai off. "I know what it is!" He shot a scrutinizing look at Sai. "I don't see your belly button today!"

Sai blinked. "I'm wearing a jacket today because I got a su-"

"It's nice to finally see you dressed like a man, Sai." Naruto said, stroking his chin thoughtfully. "To be honest, I was kind of worried that Sakura was rubbing off on you. No, wait, that couldn't happen. Sakura hits people too much for her to have any girly qualities that you could pick up on." With that, he laughed.

Sai finally saw an opening. "I got a sunburn." He said, pointing to his tomato-red face. "That's why I am wearing a jacket." He smiled his trademark smile.

"Oh." Naruto said. "I don't remember you ever getting a sunburn before."

Sai shrugged. "Perhaps the laws of logic have kicked in?"

It was true. With Sai's ghostly white skin, the boy had a very low amount of melanin in his body. The fact that he had never gotten a sunburn before was a true wonder.

But this was the real world. And in the real world, people with fair skin happened to get sunburns.

* * *

_Author's Note: I feel Sai's sunburn pain. I am fair-skinned too.  
Also, for all of you who like this story, please check out my other two Naruto parody stories,_ **Price Tag**_and _**The Battle of the Superheroes (A Parody of the Sora Arc) **_. Thank you for reading, reviewing, favouriting, and following!_


	4. Kakashi (Chidori Edition!)

Many strange things have been pointed out in this series, some of them being Choji's eternally round chips, Sai's ridiculously pale skin, and the fact that ninja always ruin the landscape when they fight. These are puzzling things, I must admit, but none of them are as puzzling as this upcoming case.

Hatake Kakashi is known for his ultimate (and only) technique, Chidori, am I right? Well, unless you're thinking of all of those times it was labeled as Uchiha Sasuke's ultimate technique, I'm right, but let's not even go there. Anyways, Chidori is a lightning-style technique that Kakashi invented. It is very powerful, and can be quite deadly if used with enough force.

Let me show you a wonderful scene I captured from the Naruto world about this very technique.

There he was. He was approaching now, faster than Kakashi had seen him run before. But the Konoha ninja was ready.

Placing his feet firmly on the water below him, Kakashi performed a quick string of handseals. The villain was closer now, closer, closer...

"Chidori!" Kakashi lunged at the villainous villain, tackling him into the ground (er, water?) and pressing his technique-using hand onto the man's back. A shout of agony was heard, and then, the villain sunk into the water.

That was a pretty normal scene for the world of Naruto, am I right? Now, let me show you this scene as it would have happened in the real world...

There he was. He was approaching now, faster than Kakashi had seen him run before. But the Konoha ninja was ready.

Placing his feet firmly on the water below him, Kakashi performed a quick string of handseals. The villain was closer now, closer, closer...

"Chidori!" Kakashi lunged at the villainous villain, tackling him into the ground (er, water?) and pressing his technique-using hand onto the man's back. Everything was going smoothly.

Well, until the man slipped into the water, that is.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Screams of pain emanated from everywhere in the water. Even Kakashi himself, the good guy, had been electrocuted.

Kakashi's head reeled with thoughts. _What had happened? Why hadn't Chidori had its usual effective effectiveness? Oh, yeah, right, I used it in the water._

You have to admit, my wonderful readers, that Kakashi and the people around him never get injured when he used Chidori underwater. It's puzzling, is it not? But hey, that's what happens when the universe you live in is totally illogical.

* * *

_Author's Note: Have any of you ever pondered this question? GAAAH IT ANNOYS ME SO BADLY! -.- I'm sorry this wasn't in full story mode. I just thought the annoyance would be better shown if I did it this way. Review! Favourite! Follow! I love you guys so much for reading these._


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